just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
