Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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