Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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