just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
