I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
