I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no you cant smoke seaweed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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