What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
