Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize