Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
