You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
