He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
