I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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