so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize