atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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