Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize