So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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