I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
