he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
