At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
