Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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