So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize