she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize