I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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