If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
