This is the prime rib incident all over again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
