I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
