I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
