Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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