She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
