You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We don't watch enough power rangers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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