just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
