The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
