So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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