dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
