So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
