P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
