I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
