You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
