Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
