did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
