I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
