those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
