im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
