thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you didnt know i had herpes?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
