May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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