Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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