Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
