I will die if light touches me.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
