quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
