I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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