This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
