yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
