An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
