Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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