first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
