Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
