Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
