I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
