Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
