he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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