Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
