JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
